The Perception of Women: Between Selflessness and Self-Prioritization

By Reeta Kumari, Girl Rising Student Ambassador, Pakistan

Around the world right now, we’re watching hard-won rights for women and girls being rolled back. Funding for programs that support women is being slashed. Laws meant to protect us from violence are being reversed. Online and offline, misogyny is on the rise. And in the midst of this, one thing remains constant: women are still being told that to be "good," they must put everyone else first. In our society, women are often judged on a single spectrum: whether they are selfless or whether they prioritize themselves. From the moment a girl is born, she is raised differently. Subtly and sometimes explicitly, she is told that the house she was born in is not truly hers - that one day, she will belong to someone else’s home. And with that belief begins a lifelong lesson in adjustment: to mold herself to meet others' expectations, to change her habits, suppress her desires, and always always put others first.

Women are taught that their own wishes and needs should come last. That their worth lies in how happy they make others, how well they care for their families, manage the household, and keep everyone content. As long as they meet society’s expectations, they’re seen as “good women.” But the moment they fall short or dare to put themselves first, they are judged, criticized, and often labeled as “bad women.”

This double standard runs deep. A woman who delays cooking for just one day, who forgets a chore she has done perfectly for years, is questioned, scolded, and told she has failed in her duties. Her value is tied entirely to her ability to serve others. Meanwhile, men are rarely held to the same standard. A man who goes to the market for an hour expects praise and rest for the remainder of the day. He may raise his voice, demand silence, and claim exhaustion from a short errand while women work tirelessly, from early morning until late at night, often without a word of appreciation.

Women care for their husbands, children, in-laws, and everyone in between. They rarely take time for themselves. And when they do, when they say, “I need a break”--they are met with confusion or even ridicule. “Why do you need a break? You’re just at home,” they’re told. Their work is dismissed, their exhaustion ignored. And what about their emotional lives? Women are told to stay quiet. To hide their pain. If they are angry, they must bury it. If they are hurt, they must endure silently. They are taught to absorb emotional abuse, to tolerate disrespect, and to keep smiling. To speak out, to stand up for themselves, to simply acknowledge their own struggle is seen as rebellion. And for a woman, rebellion is still seen as shameful.

This isn’t just a local issue, but it is a global one. Even though the Universal Declaration of Human Rights states that all humans are born equal and that everyone has the right to live freely and fully, women are still fighting for the most basic recognition of their humanity. It has taken global treaties, movements, and countless campaigns just to prove that women deserve dignity, choice, and respect.

But right now, that progress is under attack. Gender equality is still treated as optional, even dangerous. And the women who speak up for their rights—who say “I matter too”—are shamed, silenced, or dismissed. They are told to change. That being a woman isn’t enough, they must also be the right kind of woman: submissive, quiet, endlessly giving. And if they ever dare to care for themselves, they’re immediately branded as “bad.”

It’s time to question that narrative. A woman should not have to lose herself in order to be respected. She does not need to earn the right to rest, to dream, or to be treated with kindness. Simply being a woman should be enough. Her humanity should never be up for debate.